MANAGEMENT "GURU"


Here are some astounding master piece lectures delivered by the MS "GURU".
These are the most stupefied deterrent examples that are taught daily as "MS" at our place.

STATUTORY WARNING: Never try to relate the concept with example as it may lead to mental disorders. If symptoms are found report immediately to the nearest Doctor there are chances that you may also become a MS guru.

G's own thoughts on MS

"MS anedhi paper medha rasedhi kadhu physiological ga develop cheyali".
What ever is in our experiences we must talk authoritatively.

Here are some of the greatest examples that are related to the most misrelated statements

MANAGEMENT IS COMPLEX:
Guess what could be the explanation????
Well here it is.
"A senior gets on a junior's bike.
Junior comments on senior and then the Senior starts a fight and with that the situation gets Complex "
Conclusion:If situation was managed properly it would have not been complex

LEADERSHIP:
"Naku manchi markulu kavali Nenu patalu baga paduthanu Class lo fight chesta,nenu oka group ki adhinayakudini Andhari mundhu collar ethukoni thiragali" If a person satisfies all the above mentioned leadership qualities he is a leader.

LEADERSHIP TYPES(AUTO CREDIT TYPE):
"Leader commands and expect comments"
"Shoe vesuko ante vesukovali
Inshirt vesuko ante vesukovali
Gaddam shave chesuko ante chesukovali" That is Auto Credit style

Here is the example of how the Handling of certain tasks is done(no textbook explains you about this)

Once our guru was in SUniversity (Chennai)
Lab externals were in process.
Suddenly a external lab incharge came for inspection.
He was completely dissatisfied with the unavailability of equipment and has decided to complain the higher authority.
It was lunch time and the examiner was offered lunch by the college Chairman.
When he returned back, to his surprise he found that students were ready to complain to the higher authorities that the examiner was asking for bribe and was ready to give false report on college.
Conclusion:This is the way students are handled is certain cases

CONTROLLING:
Controlling is actually dealt as productivity based on demand but here is the flirty explanation given:
ROD IS MADE, we need to make the dimensions as according to dimensions as required
Hence the quality control department reports directly to management
Conclusion: Therefore Controlling is an important factor

SUPPLY AND DEMAND:
Basic concept in reality, deals with the supply based on demand but check this one.
According to norms of AICTU, for every 15 students there must be 1 lecturer.
The ratio is in order that for every one professor,there should be two associate professors and six assistant professors (no college under JNTU satisfying this norm,so does the college see how our guru defended himself)
"manushulu unte thesukuntam lenidhi ekkadi nunchi thaestham(Were do we get them if there is no availability)"
Conclusion:Availability is less and necessity is more this difficulty is due to supply and demand


This was almost half time of period and our guru wanted to share a joke
He suddenly started an irrelated topic saying
"Okkadu year starting lo screw fit chesthadu year end lo kuda adhe chesthadu .
Screw ante guruthuku vacchindhi ".and here goes the story.

One mentally disabled person rapes a washer women and it was a news sensation. One of the popular news paper described incident as "NUTS SCREWS WASHERS BOLTS".I don't know why the incident has been described but here is the conclusion
"Hence proper training is necessary" (hehe......felix)

MOTIVATION:
I was surprised to see that even these kind of methodologies are used to motivate a person that too in Managerial prescriptive.
"Students ni etla motivate cheyali? It is possible by creating interest gradually".
And one of the ways our guru carry out is that
"If a simple question is answered he must be given a Chocolate".
"In Japan if a person is able to purchase a car then it is motivation".

PROMOTION:

In management point of view promotion is meant as a way to promote the product but our guru says that
"Work hard and get promoted"wasn't that mindblowing.

Here is an another time pass topic
Our guru was in Japan once (it seems)
It was around half an hour past midnight.
Suddenly our guru woke up and was feeling hungry.
He was out on streets to find a restaurant.
After a long hunt he at last managed to get one.
After a tight dinner, he was on his way back to his room, suddenly he saw some female community roaming around and was surprised to see them (I dont know who the hell gets terrified on seeing a midget)

Our guru also dreamt that
"India should awake to see a day where there is freedom for a woman to walk on midnight streets"

Here is one of the greatest investigation works done in finding a guilty.
Once feed back was asked from students
A student gave negative feedback
Our guru somehow managed to find the student by cross checking the hand writing in exam papers.
One fine day, our guru went to class and asked for "the person who wrote the negative feedback to come and meet him in the office". Nobody went.
The next day, he pointed out the row, the guilty was sitting and asked him to meet in office room. Still nobody went.
The very next day, our guru pointed out the last three benches that the guilty was sitting asked him to meet in office. Still still, nobody went to his office.
The next day, he pointed the bench and the next day, he finally pointed out the guilty student to meet him at the office room. Finally our guru was shocked to here that the students Father was a Income Tax Officer...(from that day our guru never forget to pay the tax).

GENERAL KNOWLEDGE:
In India when an accident happens drivers use filthy language. But in Japan drivers sit together and exchange their family matters(Is your wife working,how many children do you have etc) (this is a classic...Felix).
Purely for fun. No pun intended. Any one offended, then just leave a comment and this post will be removed....(winks to Prasanna).

Posted by Prasanna.
Edited by Felix(had to write this, as I've spent more than two hours to edit this, there were too many spuling mistakes)

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